New Year, new me? No, thank you!

New Year, New Me? No, thank you.

The New Year has begun. While some of us are hopeful and excited for the new beginnings, others may feel discouraged, resistant of straight-on terrified about what they have on their to-do list. I hope you’re among the hopeful, but if you’re not, know you’re not alone. Many people feel overwhelmed with the load they carry. Especially when this load gets topped with tasks from that New Year resolution that we write to seemingly improve our quality of life. What’s the problem with that?

When we make New Year resolutions, we tend to staff them with things we dread or just don’t want to do. Have you ever wondered why we tend to start new things at the beginning of a week, month, or year? Typically, it’s because these things suck. With the stuff we like we don’t need to wait until next month to start. We just do it right away. Why can’t I watch another episode right now? Or eat my favorite take-out for lunch today? Or stay up late exchanging memes with a friend tonight? I’m not gonna wait till Monday to do that! We don’t put things like these on our resolutions. And that’s why most of us will bail on them by the end of the month.

“But if I don’t push myself and do what I don’t like, I’ll never become a better version of myself!” - one would argue. Let’s see, what could be done.

Answer these two questions :

1. Where did your goals come from? Is this change you are so determined on making is what YOU really need? 

2. If so, how to make the process of change more pleasant?

Do I really need this? To answer the first question you’ll have to dig a bit and be honest with yourself. Especially when it comes to wellness-related goals, we tend to adopt the goals or values that are not really ours. Many of us are conditioned to be socially acceptable. We follow our families, friends, influencers, images from mass-media. We attach our self-worth to those images and fight to comply. 

But is this what WE really need? What drives US to spend hours of our time every week, lots of money and the majority of our will power resources working on those goals? 

For one person the goal of losing 40 pounds means fitting into clothes they like, while for another - a chance to manage a health condition. If we ask why it matters, for the former the real goal could be pretty unrelated to weight loss, for example, to find a partner or improve self-esteem. And for the latter it’s to not die. While there could be many other ways to find love or gain confidence, for some health conditions weight management is unavoidable means of survival. So, while one can rethink whether or not they actually need to lose weight or pick another way to reach the true goal that is not as daunting, the other has to suck it up and follow doctor’s orders.

How to make changing easier? When you determine what goals are truly yours, it’s time to make the change doable. The biggest factor for not sticking to the new behavior is trying to change too many things at once. Our brains don’t like change in general, sticking to the known was a survival mechanism for thousands of years, so we are innately conservative by design. Introducing change slowly is crucial for allowing our brains to get used to new rules and stop freaking out. 

When selecting the small changes you want to make - always consider your preferences, regardless of what others are doing or what’s cool or trendy. Choose what you enjoy. Or at the very least, don’t hate. Always strive to make it easy for you, to minimize resistance. 

For example, when I was trying to figure out why it was so hard to kick myself out for a run, I suddenly realized I hated to put on my running leggings - they were way too tight. I bought loose pants and it cut half of my resistance to running! Sometimes the reasons we don’t do something are sneaky and may seem stupid at first, but they are real for you, and may be the deal breakers in the end. 

Celebrate your wins! Even the smallest ones. 

• Only managed to add two pieces of broccoli to your regular menu today? Awesome! You could have done nothing at all! 

• Didn’t make it to the gym, but did remember to through your gym bag into the car? Well done! You are one step closer, and next time the gym may actually happen. Without the bag there is no chance.

• Went to bed on time one day this week? Again, it’s one more than zero, so keep on going.

Find company or/and set up other accountability systems. Give yourself that extra layer of motivation in case the one from the inside isn’t enough today. It’s okay to sometimes rely on external help from other people or devices or sticker charts. As long as you are sure the goal is yours and yours truly, using some help from the outside is fine. To heal a broken leg we might need to use crutches for some time, but the goal is to eventually start walking on your own.

Whether you are excited about your new year goals or apprehensive, I want you to know that there is no need for a new you. The old one from December 31 is also great. They carried you all the way to today through everything you have faced in the past, and they’re not going anywhere anyway. They can learn some new things though. And if the curriculum is fun and well-structured, I’m sure they’ll be a fast learner and have good grades :)